Soft Play Observations from a Nervous Mum

For those of you not lucky enough to of experienced soft play as an adult yet. Here’s 7 top traumas. For informative purposes.

1) Have you ever seen the hunger games? No need! Put one ball in a confined space with multiple children and you’ll have a reenactment.

2) The music. There’s only so much Disney one person can handle. Now I know how Patrick Dempsey felt in the film Enchanted.

3) Getting your toddler to use the toilet. This is a battle in itself in any public place. But add in a giant obstacle course that he can throw himself around? Nah. No thanks Mum. I’d rather not spend 5 minutes of my time having a wee.

4) The toilet anxiety. So you’ve got your toddler to at least try and have a wee. Now you’re wondering what fresh hell awaits you in the cubicle. This ones especially bad if you haven’t been to that specific place before. Some places Mrs. Hinch couldn’t even save.

5) The machines they put in to cause your child a breakdown, which in turn ends up costing you money so that you don’t too have a breakdown. Think flashy lights, plastic toy crap that’s forgotten about in the next 15 minutes and tv characters.

6) Those children who really want an MMA career. You know the ones? They’re usually running around whilst there Mums sit well away and try not to look. Then you sit there wondering what the hell you’re supposed to do with a parentless child smacking your child in the face.

7) Getting your child to eat there dinner when all they want to do is release the poltergeist that’s been laying dormant inside them. “I’ll eat one more Mummy”. Oh okay, so dinner today is two chicken dippers then? Can’t wait for you to tell me how hungry you are as soon as we hit that gate.

8) And finally for number eight. Your last obstacle of the visit. The weird locking mechanism that needs a phd in engineering to be operated, that stops your unruly, sugar crammed child from escaping into the wild. I mean at this point, I’m not sure wether that’s where they all belong anyway.


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